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Be Kinder To Your Spouse Than A Stranger

Why do we allow ourselves to say things to our spouses that we would never say to strangers? We need to be kinder to our spouse than we are to a stranger. We all know that marriages are full of great and wonderful times. There are also the frustrating times when the we get hurt, angry or frustrated. We are all real human people, with real human emotions. The problem is these emotions can lead us to lash out and say things to our spouses that hurt them in ways only we can.

Marriage Monday

We know our spouses better than anyone. These are the people that we are must vulnerable to, and they know our strengths and weaknesses. So when we lash out with the intent to hurt, we know exactly where to land that punch. James chapter 3 is devoted to the subject of controlling our speech and how it is hard to tame the tongue.

“With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:9-10

Matt and I are each other’s best friends. We LOVE spending our time together and really miss each other when we are apart. So those times that we allow ourselves to hurt each other, it really HURTS. If I want God’s best for my marriage, I cannot allow myself to curse my husband and my marriage. I need to bless him, or speak good things over him.

Be Kinder

Speaking negative words about your spouse is like burying seeds of bitterness in your heart, and then adding Miracle Grow to it. So why even open the door of your heart and risk taking your marriage down a path that will take work to heal the wounds created? Why allow one moment of anger to potentially damage the relationship that God has blessed you with?

I challenge you {and myself} today to only speak words of affirmation that uplift your spouse. I think we will be happy with the outcome of the day. When we are purposeful to lift up our loved ones, not only does it build them up, but it strengthens our relationships.


It’s a Marriage Monday link up. If you have a post about marriage feel free to link up with us.

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Marriage Monday

Today we are launching our new series called Marriage Mondays. Each week will be focusing on an aspect of marriage on the blog. Our prayer is that launching this will allow this blog to encourage and reach out to married couples.

Marriage Monday

Over the last year the desire to reach out to other married couples has been very strong on both our hearts. We have witnessed couple after couple struggle through tough times, with some not making it through them. Couples that I just knew would grow old together are no longer married. In fact, I would go so far to say that divorce has become an epidemic that is crippling families across this nation.

As with so many things in life, the success of our marriages comes down to the choices that we make in life. This applies especially applies to the issue of love. We as Americans too easily incorrectly define love. Love is not an emotion. Love is not lust. Love is not something that we fall in and out of at the drop of a hat. Love is more than my fascination for ice cream or chocolate. Love is a choice.

I choose to love my wife. I realize that my wife is not a perfect person and has on occasion absolutely ticked me off. There are times when I get hurt, frustrated or upset with her. Life gets busy, work and obligations may overtake our time and the ‘passion’ in the marriage may dip. This does not ever change the LOVE that I have for my wife.

I love my wife, fully knowing her faults. I realize that the amazing person I married is so much more than her imperfections and I choose to love her in spite of them. Every marriage will have its seasons where things seem like they cannot go wrong and then experience a season of struggles when you wish just one thing would go right.

Now, I realize that in life there are always exceptions. There are situations of abuse and infidelity in which a spouse must make an incredibly tough choice of protecting themselves and their children. I am talking about the marriages that fail every day due to hurt feelings, lack of communication, resentment, neglect and the many other issues that if go untreated can lead to divorce.

As a husband I have to love with an unconditional love that looks at the long haul and not what I am experiencing in whatever season I am going through. I look to the love that God showed humanity.

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ~ Ephesians 2:4-5

We need to reacquaint ourselves with the concept of unconditional love. This is the love that God has for us, loving us beyond our sins. We need to afford our spouses the same grace and mercy that we pray and believe God shows us.

I encourage you to make the choice of love in your marriage. Love your spouse because of the so many things they do well, and not focus on the things they do badly. Each and every day together, make the choice of love.

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